Wednesday, January 18, 2012

And then I smiled...

I've been having one of those days/weeks.

Not the sort where nothing is going right, the sort where you don't see the point. In anything.

It doesn't help that SJ is away and two weeks ago I was surrounded by family and friends and the Christmas Spirit.

Now I am back at work, half the office is still on holidays, and I'm lonely.

I need to find some friends in Melbourne.

And I need to find something I am passionate about so my life has more of a purpose than just survival.

SJ needs a job so we can move forward and start planning our lives together. I'm sick of being in limbo and not having any future plans for holidays, buying a house, engagement/marriage, starting a family...the list of things we can't plan for goes on.

Found it hard to focus all day at work. Read some other blogs and felt even worse about myself because I want that life (though its hard to hate some people for that).

Left work and let my favourite artist (Jewel) fill my head-phoned ears. 'Fading' suited my mood nicely.

I am fading just like fairty-tales
When the hero loses faith

(on a side note, only Jewel write such an ironically beautiful song about having a breakdown in a Walmart bathroom)

And then...

And then I crossed paths with a family.

A young boy stopped to tie his shoelace.

Someone suggested the group wait for him.

His father said with a laugh 'No, we're leaving him behind'.

The boy looked with up with that universal grin that says "Yeah right! You're so NOT funny Dad"

And then...

I smiled.

And fittingly, my beautifully depressing song changed to one of hope. 

'What you Are - Jewel'

Look in the Mirror
Now that's another story to tell
I give love to others
But I give myself hell
I have to tell myself 
In every seed there's a perfect plan
Everything I hope to be I already am


  1. Hugs :-)

    Limbo land is a horrible place to be. I hope he finds a job soon so you can forge ahead with your plans xx

  2. Aww, chin up! I know how you feel though, I've had plenty of moments where you just think, what the HELL is the point?! I'm a bit in the same place at the moment with friends and feeling a bit lonely. Granted I haven't moved states, but everyone's changed and I've drifted apart from all of my friends in the last few years, so feels a bit like you have no one to depend on.

    Anyway, it will pass and things will get better! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and SJ that he will find a suitable job soon, and you can feel a bit more settled! :) xx

  3. Those days/weeks are not fun at all and I think we've all been there at some point(s). I know what you mean about reading other blogs and feeling that your life doesn't stack up but I always try to remember that most blog posts are snippets of a day or week that don't show the mundane boring stuff we all live through - receiving expensive gifts doesn't mean anything if you aren't happy inside or fulfilled in some other way. Anyway, on a lighter note I've also tagged you in a round of TAG! You're It! - for further info (if you've already played this please don't feel obligated to play again :))

  4. Limbo sucks.

    You just have to try and remember that it will pass and things will begin looking up... Look for the silver lining and all that jazz ;)

    I hope SJ finds a job soon... My BF has been out of full-time work for ages (umm, like 2 years I think!). It SUCKS!!!

    I also look at other blogs and think 'waahhh, I want that life' but as Natalie said, they only show snippets, and probably it's generally the highlight reel too.