It doesn't help that SJ is away and two weeks ago I was surrounded by family and friends and the Christmas Spirit.
Now I am back at work, half the office is still on holidays, and I'm lonely.
I need to find some friends in Melbourne.
And I need to find something I am passionate about so my life has more of a purpose than just survival.
SJ needs a job so we can move forward and start planning our lives together. I'm sick of being in limbo and not having any future plans for holidays, buying a house, engagement/marriage, starting a family...the list of things we can't plan for goes on.
Found it hard to focus all day at work. Read some other blogs and felt even worse about myself because I want that life (though its hard to hate some people for that).
Left work and let my favourite artist (Jewel) fill my head-phoned ears. 'Fading' suited my mood nicely.
I am fading just like fairty-tales
When the hero loses faith
(on a side note, only Jewel write such an ironically beautiful song about having a breakdown in a Walmart bathroom)
And then I crossed paths with a family.
A young boy stopped to tie his shoelace.
Someone suggested the group wait for him.
His father said with a laugh 'No, we're leaving him behind'.
The boy looked with up with that universal grin that says "Yeah right! You're so NOT funny Dad"
And fittingly, my beautifully depressing song changed to one of hope.
'What you Are - Jewel'
Look in the Mirror
Now that's another story to tell
I give love to others
But I give myself hell
I have to tell myself
In every seed there's a perfect plan
Everything I hope to be I already am